Dating problems are also high on the list of the biggest causes of stress. The fight or flight stress response is heavily tested as we embark on the dating journey. If you are the type that doesn't play hard to get, sexually, then dating can be even more demoralizing and can leave us feeling completely ripped off.
As we grew up, our parents taught us not to sleep around. Perhaps, they did this out of fear of teenage pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases or maybe it was for religious reasons. Whatever the reason, we grew up believing that premarital sex was some kind of forbidden fruit. I am no exception to this rule. In my world, sex, outside of marriage, was bad. The crazy thing is that most of us have parents who are guilty, themselves, of this behavior.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it shouldn't have been this way. I am merely saying that when we moved into adulthood, the negative connotation around dating being all about sex never left us. As adults, we go on dates with the idea of forming romantic relationships instead of just finding ways to make new friends. No wonder we have dating problems.
I am sure we all remember the TV show called the Dating Game. The questions always seemed to have a sexual overtone. If that show wasn't enough, there are all kinds of dating crutches available nowadays. We join chat rooms that focus on dating; we run ads in the personals with the idea of finding blind dates and maybe forming romantic relationships; we join dating websites, we use speed dating services and so on. All of it is like an ongoing game show, just like the dating game. It's like if you're single, you have to be dating or there's something wrong with you. Or maybe we do it because we're terrified of ending up alone.
Sometimes we do it, because we've already been married or in a long-term relationship once and it didn't work out and so this time we want to be in total control. We want to be able to screen our dates before we go out with them.
I know too many people who have been burned too many times by the dating dance that we all seem to do so willingly.
We can all find that perfect someone, but the first step is to get to know yourself better.
A good second step will be to remove the sexual overtones from the situation and instead expose yourself to situations that allow for the development of new friends and then just let the rest happen naturally. A relationship will always be stronger when it is with someone, with whom we share common interests and values. If you truly want to end dating problems and dating stress, then the people you date really do need to be friends first. There are very few cases of love at first sight that last forever.
Just like any other wellness challenge, dating problems can be solved with increased knowledge and awareness and by making use of some effective tools and techniques.
One of my favorite tools for getting to know oneself is the Enneagram. You can explore the 9 personality types to begin a journey of self-discovery that will end all your dating problems and dating stress.
I have used this tool to learn more about my own personality type and it also allows me to see what the different levels of health of my personality type are on a scale of 1-9.
I know all will be well if I work hard to stay in levels 1-3 for my type, but when I fall down to levels 4-5 or even lower, I know it's time for a personality overhaul. I am very thankful there has never been a time when I have dropped down to levels 8 and 9… so scary. Learn the Enneagram and end your dating problems forever.