Stress Jokes for You

Laugh All Day
to Keep Stress at Bay!

Do you know any good stress jokes? Here are a few I found. Laugh therapy has long been known to be an excellent stress reliever and can actually reverse disease and add years to your life.

Be sure to spend a lot of time time laughing and don't be afraid of looking silly. The ones who are looking at you funny are just jealous and they, too, wish they could be more of a free spirit.

Stress Jokes - Expressions for High Stress Days

  1. You! Off my planet!!
  2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
  3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  5. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 28 years.
  6. Allow me to introduce my selves.
  7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  9. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  10. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
  11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
  14. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
  15. You say I'm a witch like it's a bad thing.
  16. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  17. Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done.
  18. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
  19. Earth is full. Go home.
  20. Is it time for your medication or mine?
  21. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
  22. How do I set the laser printer to stun?
  23. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  24. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Reference: Stress Jokes from the Joke File

Stress Jokes and Still More Stress Jokes

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to dig up his garden to plant potatoes, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over.I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

For Heaven's sake, Dad,don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!

At 4 a.m the next morning, a dozen police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It's the best I could do for you from here."

Stress Jokes
A little on the disgusting side, but not dirty.

Last week a friend of mine went to a seminar called *Stress and Disease by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psycho-biology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress that I would like to share with you.

When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this. On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that *every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested.

Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, ‘I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company.

Never miss an opportunity to enjoy some good stress jokes in your life. Laugh therapy is a key element of effective stress management.

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